About Intensity…

I promised myself I would write a post in this BRU-DXB-SIN flight and since the last one was really about Fintech people, I have something more personal I would like to share.
Recently I thought about the reason WHY I am writing this blog with an unusual discipline (and I call it discipline since “almost” every week not to miss a post for the past three months is a real achievement) and it’s time to voice my real motivation : I hope one day my children will read it, possibly smile and if nothing else understand a bit more what motivated the choices I made and their timing.
My son for a while thought my job was travelling, making picture with my Iphone and sell them, probably assuming that was the only reason to take so many planes.
Unfortunately, son, I can’t explain what I do with a single word, like “plumber” or “fireman” or “teacher” ( I mean I could actually use every single one of these jobs, apply to start-ups and probably still tell the reality of my job. If this sentence makes immediate sense to you, you are either a twisted mind or an Investor).
Funny, I started this post wanted to talk about Intensity or the lack of it.
Then I diverged into a pseudo-emotional kind of explanation, certainly because I just watched two italian movies in a row and when you are in a plane for 18 hours even a flower on the floor makes you emotional (or makes ME emotional, whatever you say).
Now, let me come back to the real subject of this post, which has not been decided yet because I started to write it without its title, so I could still change my mind anytime.
I am constantly on the verge of lacking intensity in my life.
A fifty cents psychologist could probably say that I am looking for outside myself what I can’t find inside, send me to yoga or to church, recommend a spiritual coach or a more expensive psychologist and conclude there is nothing wrong with me. And I think I would agree with the last sentence.
What does it mean to  “lack intensity” ?
To me, it’s not about what you DO, it’s about who you ARE and how honest you are with yourself.
I have nothing against any lifestyle, not I will ever judge any of it.
I think you have to be so honest with yourself to give an answer to the deepest, fundamental and compelling to you questions that your brain and sensitivity will allow you to ask.
In other words, intensity is not about answers, but about questions. The intensity i am looking for, I mean.
It’s impossible to ask a compelling question to yourself and not to trigger any actions on it. You might be clumsy in answering, slow, lost, confused or totally wrong.
I sometimes say to myself I would love not to ask myself too many questions and simply mindlessly live.
Well… it clearly does not work for me.
I am now sitting in a Hong Kong Starbucks waiting for my next meeting, re-reading this and try to see what is missing… to barely make sense I mean … and the only thing that comes to mind is the following :
  • Intensity is not about doing and even less about doing ‘a lot’
  • Intensity goes with deepness ? Not sure about it
  • Intensity pairs with self-awareness
  • Intensity has nothing to do with excitement
  • Intensity has one enemy. It’s called comfort and it’s ok
  • Intensity means nothing to many people or they call it in other ways. But i think to some degree everyone looks for it
  • Intensity has nothing to do with wealth
I would love to make the discernment between what makes my life busy and what’s make it intense.
And focus on the latter.
 Now that i think of it, i could say all of it with a tweet. The last sentence.
Stay tuned

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